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Re: [ST] FW: Hurricane Sharon hits Essex (humor)
- Subject: Re: [ST] FW: Hurricane Sharon hits Essex (humor)
- From: "Chris Harwood" <Chris@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 24 Oct 2005 17:24:40 +0100
If only it were far from the truth!
Chris Harwood (in Essex)
00 RS
>>> jeremyw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx 24/10/2005 15:51:08 >>>
This came from the guy who used to be my only British pal.
Jeremy Witt
Field Engineer
Corrugated Networking Services Inc.
Office: 603-703-0365
A major Cat 3 Hurricane (Sharon) hit in the early hours of Monday.
Epicentre: Clacton, Essex. Victims were seen wandering around aimless
muttering "faaackin ell" ..
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of
damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and
Spanish
Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out
cars
were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.
Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents
were
confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact
that
something interesting had happened in Clacton apart from the local
punch
up's at closing time!
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It
was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my
bedroom
crying "What the F*ck was that?" My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and
Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was
watching
Trisha the next morning, and must av smoked 60 Lambert an Butlers"
Apparently though, looting, muggings,spraying graffiti and car crime
did
carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship
4,000
crates of Sunny Delight and special fried rice with curry sauce to the
area
to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through
the
rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings,
including
benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China
from
Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought
after, items most needed include:
* Fila or Burberry baseball caps
* Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
* Shell suits (female)
* White sport socks
* Rockport boots
* Any Garments by Donnay
* Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
* Microwave meals
* Tins of baked beans
* Ice cream
* Pork Scratchings
* Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms, £2 buys chips,
crisps
and blue fizzy drinks and slush puppys for a family of 9, £5 will pay
for a
packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of
those affected.
**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - 'Where
are
you bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD" said the girl, "Woss that
faaacken got to do wiv you?"
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